Paul Jay's Ponderings

As the title of this post says, sometimes I'd really like to do something epic. Not that my past was entirely boring, but that I've always been the one to play the supporting role or perhaps one of those mere extras in the background. (And not that I entirely minded being off the radar, sometimes it was quite on purpose. You have some degree of freedom that the spotlight grabbers never get.) So as it stands right now, I wonder wtf is the purpose of existance is? In spite of how infintesimal a spot upon a tiny blue spot circling a yellow dot I may be, there was some energy involved in generating this consciousness - so it must have some purpose. But what the hell is it? Why would the universe even require or allow such a process to occur within a chaotic system?

Maybe my destiny in life is to run over some random squirrel with my car, such that he never spawns the kin that leads to a race of space warlords long after humanity is gone. Of course that sounds entirely stupid, but the universe is funny like that and it seems like I'll never know.

But then again, perhaps my role is to ever so slightly nudge the path of humanity by influencing mass consciousness over the internet with my pointless ramblings. And considering the number of people that do the same, this idea seems ridiculous too.

Now if only I knew the answer...

And no, it's not a religious thing either. There doesn't seem to be any substantial proof of something more. My philosphy is that this is all there is, try to make the best of it. I figure people that heard some unknown voice in their head in telling them what to do would be given some pills nowadays, but that way in the past people were stupid enough to go along with those ideas at one point. And then the political types and manipulators dogpiled upon that foundation to make religions what they are today.