Paul Jay's Ponderings

Anyhow, I'm tired but can't sleep exactly. I guess it's the fact very few appreciate those who pull the night shift. So I got to wake up to an (abandoned?) car being towed and then a leaf vacuum truck. So now it's a matter of waiting for quiet and my stiff back to straighten out so I can catch at least another four hours of sleep.

Also mom doesn't care that I'm up all night either. Because of this, there's this ridiculous expectation that because I'm still up that I should help out with any stupid chore she pulls out of her ass. This would be like asking someone on a normal shift that can't sleep, stayed up to 2AM, and is finally getting drowsy if they'd like to go mow the lawn or something. So my response was, not now - wait 'til I get up. Now she's all in a snit because of this false assumption that my mere presence means I'm ready to help out. Unless someone is dying or the house is on fire, it can wait... I'll get to it. But nooooooo... >:(

So now I've got to figure out how to get a roof over my head in another two months. Work isn't too bad, but my job doesn't pay shit. Well not shit for the actual costs of living in the U.S. My car needs work and its insurance is due. I've got a college loan to pay off. (Nice that there wasn't much help in finding a job to cover that even.) I've got a lot of stuff. And I doubt I'm crafty enough to get away with anything illegal. (Although I understand the temptation, since that would yield the most return in the least time. Unfortunately the risks are too high.) Pushing more hours with another job will probably cause me to snap and end up in jail too. For some reason, I get really really snippy without time to unwind. I'd be liable to just flip out and do something really stupid. (Yeah, my little while in the navy would have been a lot worse if there wasn't for inanimate objects I could destroy since they were being disposed of anyways. Better junk than people or valuable property I suppose.) A shelter won't work. (Did I mention I have stuff?) And covering rent isn't likely with the inflated prices around here. (Oh yeah, did I mention I'm white? I doubt I can claim six or so friends as 'cousins' to split rent and then pull the racist card if someone catches on to the scheme.) This sucks, since my stress level is yey high. (But I do appear calm on the outside. Uh oh... That's how those people we read about in the papers are too, aren't they? Deep breaths... Deep breaths... *sigh*)