Monday, July 31, 2006


Guy kills gulls the wrong way.

Read these first...

He was just thisclose to getting it right.

Now the right way to do it. First of all you don't use all the fries at once. And secondly you don't use your own car. Doing it yourself is way too obvious, not to mention you've got bird mess on your car. Yet another thing you need pointing you out as the culprit. Besides being stupid, doing it that way is missing out on half the fun of watching some unsuspecting person splat the flying rats with their car.

Find a busy road. Preferably near fast food joints where the gulls can find occasional loose garbage. Traffic on the road should be moving an average speed of 35MPH or faster. Any slower and the gulls will be able to see it coming. (Likewise, the car might be able to brake in time.) First throw your fries on the shoulder or on-road during breaks in traffic. This will give the gulls a false sense of security. Occasionally toss in a bunch of fries to get the competition going among the birds. Then wean it back down a few fries to bolster the greedy spirit of the winged rats. Once you've established that they have a false sense of security and are more interested in competing with each other... Then you throw the fries in front of an oncoming car. If you time it just right, it's pretty messy if not funny.

If you're clever enough about and don't get to obvious with your fry throwing, the car driver usually is thinking "WTF?!" as they unsuspectingly slaughtered a bunch of dirty birds diving down in front of 'em. But also be prepared to take off like a bat out of hell, just in case someone catches on to this delinquent activity. If you don't do this all the time, even acting suprised and playing innocent can work exceptionally well. "I was just feeding 'em!" :D

And no, I haven't been doing this - but I have watched a pro of the technique. A friend/shipmate from Boston demonstrated this (if you're reading this, Hi Jon!) back during my Navy days. I'm not sure if some random Officer in Norfolk thought it was as funny as we did.

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